You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

One week ago today C. and I were driving back from Tampa, hand in hand reminiscing over the wonderful weekend we had just shared with one another. We had just been to the opening show of The Brothers of the Sun Tour along with a mini-vacation on the West Coast. We spoke about the future, wondering what he would encounter during BMT. As we got closer to I95, my heart slowly dropped to my feet. Each mile we endured meant we were one minute closer to the last moment I would see him until August.

Tomorrow morning will be exactly one week since I have seen or spoke with him. I have done my very best to remain strong throughout this past week. I never imagined just how difficult life would be without C. around. It is unnerving to deal with the daily demands of life without your best friend. I have always known that C. was my best friend, my rock. However, without him around I have noticed that he is not just my rock, he is more like my boulder. C. is the one person I can count on no matter what; he accepts me for who I am, never lets me down and most importantly, he makes me want to be a better person.

It appears that I need C. in my life much more than I thought I did. I fish my phone out of my purse on a daily basis to text him good morning or call him on my way home from work, but as I am scrolling for his name I quickly stop myself – realizing that he cannot be reached. It melts my heart not being able to speak with him.

I decided to put in my two-week notice at work this week. I have been with my current employer for nearly two years, it is the only job I have ever had. It was a decision I made in order to move forward with my life, reaching toward my future goals -our future goals. This has been the first large decision I have ever made for two people rather than one. This week I also met with my best friend for the beginning stages of wedding planning. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined planning a wedding without my future husband.  Making decisions without C. is unsettling, I always have him to back me up with whatever decision I make. Reaching conclusions without C’s unbiased opinions is like attempting to walk in the dark.

I can only imagine what he is going through at this moment. I recall him telling me that Sundays are the easiest days in BMT, it is the only day that you get a few hours to yourself. A few hours to relax and meditate after six days of physical and mental stress. T he motherly genes in me worry, wanting to know that he is taken care of. Luckily I know that he is in good hands. These next eight weeks will be excruciating, but I know in the end it will only strengthen our relationship. For now, I will continue to remain strong and put on a happy face.

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